Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
