yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
