Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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