I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
