last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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