i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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