so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I will die if light touches me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
