if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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