I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
