Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
