I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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