you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
