so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
