so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
