You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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