I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
