we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
