I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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