A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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