I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
