I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
