Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
