I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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