Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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