so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
