How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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