Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
