The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
