i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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