Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He did a backflip because drugs
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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