Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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