i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
