I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
