go do what you do best...puke behind churches
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So much rum. So many feels.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
