My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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