I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
