Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
