so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
