When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
