I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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