Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
