The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
