I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
