Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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