oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
