Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
