hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
