Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
