And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
