that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
