keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
