I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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