the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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