I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
