i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
